These last few days have been difficult. The time has been distorted and I have been traveling through a tunnel of time and space. Shifting through states of positive and negative. Dreams of good and bad concepts of positive and negative. Cycling between states of happiness and regret. Dreams of spider webs and being wrapped and trapped waiting to be devoured. Dreams of being laughed at by another life form saying there is no 'Jared Bruni' when will you learn this, as long as you focus on this you will stay here and live in this illusion. As I cycle in this memory I stay here in this illusion and I return to the same memory. This life form still laughs at me to this very moment in another realm. He tells me this is just an experience to teach me so I can learn what not to do, so I can grow and expand. It is a learning experience and I must feel the pain. I have to wait out the entire experience and live through all the years before I can escape and return. This delusion is just one of the many I have been having the past few days while I have been cycling through this experience. As each day passes I am feeling more grounded here in this dimension. I am not sure what has happened. I feel as if I am being watched. Risperidone saves the day once again.
What brought me here:
Trapped I can barely move
My body doesn't respond
Thoughts rejected as wrong
My heart beats still but not as strong
As I move around the attention sphere
Realize I am here
Frozen in time
Bruised ego disappears
Intertwined distorted state of mind
I scream but cannot be heard
Stuck in a delusion
I move in circles chasing my breath
The rhythm of the machine my regrets
The outside cannot be seen
A twisted vision sworn in between
Broken I swim around moving up and down
Weakness drives the energy in the crown
As I begin to remember one thing comes within mind.
Powerful light guides me above the darkness and I am here.
What I learned:
The infinite ocean of memories is all preserved and able to be experienced from different perspectives.
Controlled by an unknown force,I can only describe as a cyclone of energy holding everything together.
I was moving through this ocean, jumping from memory to memory, gaining knowledge from each encounter
with the life forms stored in each memory, unable to change anything but my own understanding of the
interpretation of the experience. moved in circles unable to escape.
When I look in the heart I was given I see an infinite light that expands through each mind.
Through every breath I take shows each thought that gives rise to the next. A spiral of decision
creates unending experience within.
- Jared Bruni